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A Rogues’ Gallery
By Gerald E. Sheagren, Torrington
I haven't graced The Voice with any of my acid-tongue litany in quite a spell. For those of you who remember some of my past articles, you may recall that I never mince my words, serving them up with a good amount of salt, vinegar and hot sauce. Tell it like it is. Call a spade a spade. Look the truth in the eye and never bat a lash.
There are few out there, I'm sure, who can deny that Saddam Hussein is a menace to the civilized world. If given the chance he would gladly destroy the United States and everything that it stands for. He's got the will and is slowly and tenaciously trying for the means.
Yet, there are those aplenty out there who would let him go about his evil business without so much as a second look. They're critical of President Bush and his idea of a preemptive strike. They call him a warmonger. They're jealous of a man who, unlike themselves, is willing to stand up and let his voice be heard. A man with the courage to recognize a growing threat and to dispose of it before it's too late.
I've compiled a small rogues’ gallery and will go about dissecting them with my literary scalpel—and without the benefit of anesthesia. In some cases, I'll make a slight incision. In others, I'll perform a complete frontal lobotomy.
France — When are the boys in Washington going to accept the fact that France is neither a "friend" nor an "ally"? The French, with their usual display of snobbish arrogance, consider Americans to be on a much lower social plain than their anointed selves. We're crude. We're rabble. We're mindless warmongers. We're not fit to shine their shoes or pour their wine.
Let us not forget that it was France that forbid the U.S. to fly over its airspace when President Reagan sent planes to bomb Libya. Let us not forget that it's the French, along with Russia and China, who continue to vote against American resolutions before the UN Security Council.
Perhaps France has forgotten the fact that it was American soldiers who saved their precious butts in two world wars. Perhaps they've forgotten it was American boys who bled and died by the thousands on the shores of Normandy and through the hedgerows of France.
The United Nations — Now here's a gathering of anti-American buffoons if I ever saw one. President Bush should have circumvented this pack of idiots and carried on without paying them a second thought.
In case you've forgotten or may never have known, it's hard-working Americans who in large part support the UN. Oh, yes! Our tax dollars help pay for its offices, wages, social functions, safety and travel. And what do we get for it besides disrespect and thousands of dollars worth of unpaid parking tickets? Zip! Zero! Zilch! And now, the UN wants its building to get a billion dollar renovation! The audacity of it all befuddles my simple brain.
It's time to tell Kofi Annan to pack up his collection of tyrants and two-bit dictators and get out of New York. Better yet, get out of the whole U.S. of A.! Set up shop in Iraq or Iran or North Korea. Or maybe in China, which doesn't deserve to sit on the Security Council in the first place. Then we can plant the charges, implode the UN building, clear the rubble and open up another Wal-Mart.
Jim and Davy — And, believe me, I'm not talking about Jim Bowie and Davy Crockett. I wouldn't sully their sacred names. I'm referring to Representatives James McDermott and David Bonior, who have brought shame upon themselves, their loved ones, their party and the entire country. McDermott actually had the nerve to say, while in Baghdad, that President Bush was misleading America. Saddam says that Bush is a liar and McDermott echoes the refrain. Saddam says "trust me" and Bonior in effect smiles and gives him a thumbs-up.
I certainly hope that at election time the voters in their districts remember their betrayal. Probably not, though. Americans are notorious for their short memories. These two should be tried for treason, found guilty and sentenced to life terms in Leavenworth.
Al Gore — Now that it's time to start making his pitch for a run in 2004, Al has recently paid a visit to Doctor Frankenstein, where the bolt in his neck was zapped with a few jolts of electricity. Argh! Eeeerrrr! Look, Igor, look! He lives, he lives! And now, perhaps we'll witness a two-year remake of The Night of the Living Dead! The first words out of the monster's mouth were anti-Bush, and he wants to pussy-foot around with Saddam.
Please! Won't someone come up with a wooden stake or a silver bullet or a clump of garlic or whatever it will take to return Al to his coffin or the catacombs, or wherever he arose from!
Barbra Streisand — Well, glory be, how would we ever carry on without a few sage words from Babs? The heck with Bush! No war! Leave poor Saddam alone. And, to a degree, the Democrats actually lend her an ear. Why not? She's one helluva fundraiser.
You know what actually scares me? We might yet hear from smart Alec Baldwin. No, wait. Didn't he leave the country when Dubya was elected?
Gerhard Schroeder and Bubba — Schroeder voices strong objections against a pre-emptive strike against Iraq and bluntly refuses to send any German troops to aid in a war. His narrow win to another term as chancellor came after a very verbal anti-America campaign. What say? Time for another Berlin Wall?
And who shows up to tell him that everything is okey-dokey? None other than Bubba Clinton! When is this money-grubbing opportunist ever gonna disappear from the scene? By far, he is the worst example of an ex-president that I have ever seen. Jimmy Carter built houses for the poor. Can you see Clinton doing such a thing? God forbid! If he ever wielded a hammer, his thumb would be as big and red as his nose!
Teddy Kennedy — Are you ready for this? Old Ted has graced us with more of his pathetic pearls of wisdom. According to Ted, any U.S. strike against Iraq would be "unilateralism run amok." Oh, yes! Saddam has a friend in Washington! Please, Teddy, retire already and go down to Chappaquiddick and remember.
Vladimir Putin — Now don't get me wrong. As Russian leaders go, Vlad isn't all that bad. He seems to have a special bond with Dubya and I hope he doesn't ruin it now. Please! Have Russia vote with us on the Security Council! A trade deal with the U.S. is a helluva lot more lucrative than one with a tenth world country like Iraq.
Tony Blair — Three cheers for Tony! America has never had such a loyal and stalwart friend. Sorry, old chap, about that movie, The Patriot.
Now let me tell ya: Dubya isn't perfect, not by a long shot. He's no George Washington, Abe Lincoln or FDR. But when it comes to Iraq and the war on terrorism, every person, if they consider themselves an American, should stand squarely behind their President! If not, perhaps they would like to sail a boat to Cuba. Starve in North Korea. Keep their mouths tightly shut in China. Or stay hidden behind a veil in Saudi Arabia. Stand up, Americans, and be counted!
Ooops! My scalpel is starting to twitch! I must be off! Until you hear from me again, keep that American flag waving. If you don't have one, get your butts out there and buy one!
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