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Uns Kinder (Us Kids)
Salem, the Witchcat
By Robert C. Raymond, New Hartford
Once I met a gorilla,
on the way to the zoo.
He told me this story
that I now tell to you.
This big fellow had a name for his story—
he called it: Salem the Witch Cat
Salem, the black, was a witchcat. He knew how to disappear when he accidentally, or otherwise, spilled things or knocked over stuff. There were certain shrieks, which humans uttered, that could magically produce a rapid disappearance of the cat.
"Where is that mischievous cat?" was one of loudest shrieks.
Salem wasn’t a witchcat at all, some claimed. They said he just scooted to places where humans never looked. In any case, Salem was never found until everything calmed down and had been put straight again.
Salem had the idea that he owned the humans at his house. Humans, though, thought it was just the other way around. One day, however, Salem’s humans brought a dog, named "Tyler," into the house. He was going to live with them. The first thing Salem said to the dog, Tyler, was: "I am boss of this house!" But he said it in the cat language, which Tyler couldn’t understand.
"You’re a funny looking thing," Tyler said in his own dog language. "What is your name?"
The cat shook his head. It was plain to see that neither could understand the other. So they decided to chat by the U.A.L. method. Of course you know that the letters "U.A.L." stand for the "Universal Animal Language," and it’s the "show and tell" system that has no available human translation. The following recorded song of a friendly dolphin sort of tells it all, though.
A certain way to wag a tail,
A certain mutter, or a wail,
A purr, a snuffle, or exciting smells
Tells the story to animals.
Well, they got to be friends … until a lady artist chanced by to visit. "What a beautiful black cat!" She declared. "I should like to paint its portrait!" Which she did.
Now the painting of Salem hung in the music room in a very prominent place. Salem, thereafter, sat many hours staring at his portrait on the wall. Tyler got jealous: "All you do, lately, is sit and admire yourself the whole day long, and we don’t play together anymore!"
Cat threw Dog a "turned-up nose" that said, "Get lost, Dog, I’m busy!" Tyler became angry. Growling, he chased Salem all over the house and knocked over many things. A sharp scolding from Mr. and Mrs. Humans followed.
A short time later a sculptor paid a visit to the humans. "What a magnificent dog you have. I have a piece of soapstone in my car. Do you mind if I sketch him?" Soon a sculpture of Tyler was sitting on the piano in the music room.
It was Cat’s turn to get jealous, and the whole chase, and breaking thing, happened all over again. Mrs. Humans bellowed, "Enough! Is enough!" and called to her husband.
Well, the Humans owned a two-car garage with a wire divider running through the middle. Both cars were elsewhere, at the time, for a tune-up and reupholster job. This left the garage empty except for a couple of used tires, a repair bench, and some old numberplates.
First Mrs. got Mr. Human to put Tyler and Salem into the empty garage. Before leaving them to themselves, however, he put each on his own side of the dividing line. He also made sure Salem’s portrait was hung on Tyler’s side, and the bronze sculpture of Tyler placed likewise on Salem’s side—on the repair bench.
At first Tyler grumbled at being left alone with nothing but Salem’s picture on the wall. Salem had the same problem with Tyler’s sculpture. In time, however, Salem began to look closely at Tyler’s sculpture, and became lonesome. Tyler began to see Salem in the same way. After all, they had been good friends, and had scampered about having fun.
"Nice painting," Tyler muttered under his breath, but loud enough for Salem to hear him.
"Excellent bronze," Salem purred.
By evening they were friends again, and the cars were returned. The animals were reinstated in the house, along with the painting and the sculpture. All was serene.
That night the animals had a long heart-to-heart talk—in U.A.L., of course. Tyler lay with his snout on the floor between his front paws. Salem lay facing him, with his front paws tucked up under him—which, translated, means: "Dog! I never apologize, but I like you, and your sculpture, anyway."
"Hey, yeah! And your portrait is a masterpiece, Cat," Dog declared. Pals again.
Mr. and Mrs. Human marveled at the change in their pets. "Isn’t it wonderful how animals can fight a little, and make up for good without any help from anyone?"
"Yes, that’s because they don’t have a word for hate," replied Mr. Human.
With a quizzical look, Tyler picked up his head and asked, in the Universal Animal Language, of course: "What’s hate?"
"Don’t know. Don’t want to know!" replied Salem as he lapsed into the first stages of a long snooze. The end.
Cheers!
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